That time you find yourself at a meter with...
Rod’s helping me through the unbelievable...
Friends Without Boundaries
Alisa: Any interest in seeing Paranormal Activity 3?
Me: Oh Christ. Maybe if I wore a diaper for when I pee myself.
Me: I'm sorry. That was unnecessary.
You’re easily one of the happiest people I know.– Said to me last week. It feels good to feel good— even if the taxpayers of California* are picking up the occasional bar tab. *Who the fuck am I kidding… the taxes I’ve been paying since I was 17 are paying for it.
I've just had the most awkward conversation of my...
Asking prospective employers for more money is by far the hardest thing to do. But whatever happens, it feels good to know I stuck to my guns.
Mom: What'd you think of the picture of the apple tart I sent you?
Me: It look so good... I WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!!
Mom: That's what she said.
Let’s play a game. You tell me which girls you think you look better than,...– Shamus, passing time before the Spike TV Scream Awards began
First World Problems
I was really excited to bake pumpkin blondies today. But now I can’t, because I’m going to the Spike TV Scream Awards and I have to fast to wear my dress that fits like a glove.
Mike: This Black Keys song's really good. I don't think I've ever heard it on one of their albums.
Me: That's because it's exclusive to a soundtrack from the Twilight Saga.
If you’re going to a game at Yankee Stadium, make sure you bring your own...– Rachel Ray Fucking seriously?
I guess growing up really sucks for people obsessed with Florida State football.* In college, we just used to drink until we couldn’t understand scores anymore. Now, without the pain-minimizing beer bongs and rounds of flip cup, real fans just have to watch the game and face just how not great we’ve been playing. And then Facebook about it. A lot. *I just like tailgating....
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be...– Steve Jobs (via soupsoup)
Rainy day music. “Walking the Dog” -...
What are you gonna do, PASS ANOTHER LAW?!– Not even Dennis Quaid can save the Footloose remake.
Seeing Blink 182 for free today, seeing dinosaurs...
Alright fine, I’ll call it funemployment now.
Second week of unemployment. The first one was...
Do you think they sell condoms at Trader Joe’s?– Yelled in a parking lot. File under: “Reasons why not to run errands with guy friends.”
By far the best slang I've heard in recent...
“Intentional walk” - when an individual feels sorry for another and gives them a free pass to first base See also: the pity kiss
I keep seeing multiple status updates about...
It’s 81 degrees.