“On to the next one.”
—
Jay Z
He’s so wise.
March 2010
February 2010
Sometimes I Wish Mia Were Older
E-mail I just received from Mia:
“hi brittany i’m having bacon!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
What I wanted to respond with:
“God I’d really love some bacon right now. I’m so fucking hungover.* I could eat about 20 pieces.”
What I actually responded with:
“Yum!! Mama made bacon this morning, huh?”
*No, I didnt follow my honey-on-toast advice.
Hey, it was a valid question.
- me: Ellen's ex-bodyguard friended me on Facebook.
- Brittany: Do you mean your ex-boyfriend?
- me: Uh, I would've just said my 'ex boyfriend'.
Party and Bullshit in the USA (Hathbanger Mash-Up Remix)
The Notorious B.I.G. vs. Miley Cyrus
Sometimes when you stick a little Notorious B.I.G. in there, Miley Cyrus all of a sudden doesn’t suck as much. On a sidenote… I wonder what Biggy would think about people mixing his song with a bubblegum popstar’s.
Notorious B.I.G. f. Miley Cyrus- Party and Bullshit (In the USA)
Dirt Off Your Android
Jaydiohead
Jaydiohead - Dirt Off Your Android (Jay-Z vs. Radiohead)
Holy amazing song. I’m late to the game, once again, on this one. Love me some Jay-Z. Love me some Radiohead. It’s like someone served me pancakes and a side of candy corn.
It's the Weekend! So Here's a Hangover Tip...
I read last week that it’s good to have a piece of melba toast (I don’t know what that is really… so I guess take a piece of bread and toast it), and put a little honey on it. Eat one before you go out, and one when you go home (don’t start whining about eating before bed… you just consumed 800 calories of booze and sodium).
The honey counteracts the alcohol and will help with your hangover. No, that doesn’t mean you won’t still get drunk so don’t worry— your liquid courage will still be there when you try to talk to the douchey model type in the bedazzled v-neck. The requisite water bottle chug before bed is obviously still in place, too.
I left an issue of Marie Claire in my bathroom yesterday, which I had read during my bubble bath (hey, don’t laugh… try one after your muscles have gotten a beatdown). The bathroom also happens to be where Dakota stays when I can’t take her to work.
I came home to find one page of the magazine completely destroyed. It turned out to be a sample version of the perfume I wear every day. I take this to mean one of three things:
- She missed me.
- She was pissed at me.
- She’s going to eat me in my sleep.
I hope it was #1. I’ll even take #2.
- MJ: Know what's worse than spending 3 hours at the DMV?
- Me: Not getting to kill anyone after?
- MJ: No, the answer is nothing. Nothing is worse.* Happy Friday.
- *This isn't entirely true. I could've woken up with no arms and not been able to drive to the DMV. A myriad of things could've been worse, really. But it was still bullshit.
The biggest test of your patience is spending 3 hours of your Friday morning at the DMV.
I give myself a C+.
The C for being VERY visibly frustrated and a bit curt (including rolling my window up as the parking lot security guard was talking to me). The + is for not hurting people who take longer because they don’t speak/understand English.
On the upside, the editor here brought me another organic PB&J sandwich to cheer me up. It worked.
The "You're Not In College Anymore" Slap
I just got an e-mail from FSU saying they’re deleting my school e-mail account on St. Patrick’s Day, since I haven’t been an active student there for some time.
Well, at least it’ll be acceptable to drink my sorrows away that day.
“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”
—Bil Keane (via harndotdot)
Love me some "The Verve" channel on Pandora.
The Verve, Oasis, Coldplay, and Radiohead make for the best workday playlist.
Play
Play
That's Just Wrong, Simon
- Simon: I need you and AnnMarie to come to the house when you're in town. A guy is taking a picture of you guys in front of my Laguna (Simons's vintage hot rod) for the car show. Dress nice, please.
- Brittany: Umm.. are you using your daughters as face girls for your car show?
- Simon: Damn right I am.
- Brittany: What if your daughters were ugly? Would you still use us?
- Simon: Probably not. I'd use the dogs.
Dear Scotty, The road goes both ways. Love, Brittany
Dear Brittany, I don’t like it one bit how you have gotten all “Hollywood” on me and now I don’t get my usual facebook messages or chats.
Love
Your Bitter black friend,
- S-Wes
But I’m still amused that you need to differentiate yourself by race, in case your first and last name in the “From” section weren’t enough.
Sometimes you look for things and they're nowhere to be found. And sometimes shit just falls into your lap.
And sometimes it falls into your lap when you walk out of your kickboxing class— covered in sweat, face beet red.
Hey, whatever.
