Trying to find a really good recipe to show up to Sarah’s New Year’s shindig with, and I think I have a winner:
Aunt Bill’s Brown Candy
I have no idea what it is, but can you ever go wrong with something with that name? It sounds like a black tranny’s private parts.
YUMMM!!!
This was the theme song for the ill-fated drama Veronica Mars. It’s a pretty sweet song. Enjoy.
“We Used to Be Friends”- The Dandy Warhols
I can’t even regift a gift certificate without it coming back to bite me in the ass.
I bought my BFF a gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret and soon after realized it was a pretty douchey present to give someone you’ve been BFFs with since high school. So instead I gave it to my step-sister, who is cool but who I know significantly less well (the blending o’ families happened after I made the migration up to FSU). Unfortunately I forgot at the bottom of the gift card thingy that I wrote To: Anna Banana/From: Brit
She definitely caught that, and politely said, “Oh, I think I got the wrong gift.” I immediately thought “Shitshitshitshitshit,” but instead forced the my most genuine fake laugh that ended up sounding like I was mentally retarded. My best excuse was “Oh gosh… that’s what happens when you wrap everything at once! I can’t even write the right names on the right presents,” when in fact this is total bullshit and I wrapped each present as I bought it.
Moral of the story: regifting takes up so much energy to conceal the gift’s original source that it’s usually easier to just get off your ass and buy a new present.
Dually noted.
Selena/Santa surprised me with pretty much the most awesomest present ever— a Wii.
As a result, my next paycheck has already been allocated— aside from bills/rent— to the purchasing of Wii-related paraphernalia. Wii Fit here I commmmmmme.
I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile, so here goes - Will, meet Brittany. Brittany, meet Will. You two are both in Tampa, have similar taste in music, and are similarly funny, cynical people, so it just makes sense to make an introduction - and I’m too lazy to do it in person.
Do what you will with this.
I laughed for about 5 minutes straight when I read this post this morning.
Hello, Will. So very nice to… meet you?
Louis Armstrong is pretty awesome in his own right, but this remix makes the song so much better.
“Baby It’s Cold Outside”- Mulato Beat Remix
Merry Eve O’ Christmas!
Just thought I’d enlighten you as to how 50% (or 95% in West Tampa) of Tampa spends their Christmas Eve.
Instead of the traditional Christmas ham, we tend to do something a little different with our pig. We eat the whole thing.
The night before (aka last night), we (as in my uncle, not me) cut open the pig and take out all the crap that we don’t eat, which is basically everything. And then he fills the pig with garlic and mojo (pronounced MO-ho, a citrus-y sauce they sell in the “ethnic foods” aisle at Publix… but ours is from scratch). The next day they stick it in a portable wooden oven called a Caja China and cook it for about 6 hours.
The result: pretty much the most amazing pork you will ever have in your life. Also, there are no mashed potatoes and cranberries at our table. It’s more like black beans and rice. And plenty of booze.
This job has the perks of working for Harry and David/Total Wine. One of my middle-aged courters came in today with a Christmas gift of a giant box of chocolate-covered pretzels. That brings my gift inventory since starting here to: 1 bottle of red wine, 2 bottles of champagne, and 1 enormous box of chocolate covered pretzels.
On another note: don’t take any of this middle-aged-admirers talk as me trying to brag about how awesome and cool I am. It’s nearer a lamenting of how I appeal to the 35+ demographic overwhelmingly more than my own demographic. Basically what I’m saying is if you’re 35+, unhappily married, and hate your job, there’s a pretty good chance I’m you’re type.
But… you’re not mine. Oh boy.
Bing Crosby’s overplayed Christmas music gets a facelift.
“Happy Holidays”- Beef Wellington Remix
Things that made twilight awesome:
-Seeing it with two of my closest friends who are obsessed (it was their 5th time seeing it in the theatre. One of them allegedly has a bootleg on her computer that she watches at work. both recited lines throughout.)
-any time there was flying involved
-imagining Tracy Morgan in the role of any of the vampires
-pretending Bella was being played by Helen Keller.
Things that made Twilight awful:
-everything else
Apparently some people will never be fans of Twilight, no matter how hard Sarah and I try to make it seem more awesome than it really is (and yes, the above link takes you to my blog for a reason— I’m guilty as charged).
Starbucks Caffe Americano. No frills, no chocolate, and they don’t even TRY to put whipped cream on it. It’s just a cup of espresso, and you add your own sugar and milk. Basically, it’s how coffee is supposed to be made.
Without the milk/sugar, it’s only 15 calories (I don’t want to think about what it was after I emptied the sugar canister into my overflowing cup).
Also, it was only $2. And it has 150 mg of caffeine, compared to a mocha of the same size with only 95 mg. Coffee WIN.
This song is old-fashioned Christmas song meets cool lounge music— the kind of Christmas music you’d actually be excited to play at a holiday party.
P.S. After discussing my dislike of Christmas music with Selena last night, it seems she shares my sentiments. Further proof that my dislike isn’t for the actual holiday— just commercialized cheesy music.
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”- MNO Remix
Ran into swampthingwoman as I was walking Dakota this morning.
She must have made her human suit way too fast, because her teeth are the color of my cheese grits, and she didn’t glue in a full set.
Also, I stole a glance into her house/swamp lair and she blocked the entire entranceway with boxes. Either she’s in dire need of an attic, or she’s using them to hide tall swamp plantlife from public eye. You know which one my money’s on…
